Posts Tagged ‘self-absorbed’

This is it

Posted 08 Dec 2009 — by cheersphilip
Category diary, Ideas, thought

This is it.

i’ve had enough.

I’ve tried. I’ve tried freaking everything.

Now i’m just going to have to DO.

Let me explain…

I was dissatisfied with my life. Something wasn’t right, but i didn;t know what.

I thought about it a lot. I read self-help books. I attended workshops and seminars. I did all the exercises they suggested. I contacted my ‘spirit partners’. I labelled everything in my house. I wrote down my core values.

Everything.

But I still did not know what it was that i wanted. I was still dissatisfied.

I made changes.

I quit my job and became self employed. I thought I wanted to be an inventor – i could always go back to teaching if it didn;t work out.

I do want to be n inventor, but that’s not all i want to be.

I am still dissatisfied.

I wanted to find out what my values are. What motivates me? No point in doing anything unless you know why you’re doing it, right?

Fair enough. But i don’t know. I just don’t know.

Something tells me that i may never know.

this is cary and not a little unnerving. but what other honest answer is there?

So I don’t know what my values are, why i do the things i do. But there, right there, is the key!

What i Do want, what i DO want to do, is to find out what it is that i want to do.

this kind of thinking hurts my head, but lets work with it.

under this question (what do i want to do?), i am suddenly released from constrictive labelling and marketting-speak pitches about who i am or whatever.

Suddenly, in a way, i am free.

I am free to do what I want to do, without worrying about why i am doing it. I can do things that i am drawn to, that interst me ( i have a short little span of attention, or so it feels).

Payment will come later, i’m sure, (do not tell my bank manager this – it does not make for a good business plan).

So, okay Philip, you can do what you want to do. Congratu-fucking-lations.

What are you going to do?

I’m so glad you asked!

(you didn’t; that was a literary device that probably has some name, of which i am unaware, but bear with me)

That, my friend, is for the next post!

I tend to waffle when confronted with an endless piece of digital paper, so i’m forcing myself into breaking this up into a two-parter.

See you on the next post (that’s the one above, if you’re reading this on a big long page)

Cheers,

Philip

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