This is it.
i’ve had enough.
I’ve tried. I’ve tried freaking everything.
Now i’m just going to have to DO.
Let me explain…
I was dissatisfied with my life. Something wasn’t right, but i didn;t know what.
I thought about it a lot. I read self-help books. I attended workshops and seminars. I did all the exercises they suggested. I contacted my ‘spirit partners’. I labelled everything in my house. I wrote down my core values.
Everything.
But I still did not know what it was that i wanted. I was still dissatisfied.
I made changes.
I quit my job and became self employed. I thought I wanted to be an inventor – i could always go back to teaching if it didn;t work out.
I do want to be n inventor, but that’s not all i want to be.
I am still dissatisfied.
I wanted to find out what my values are. What motivates me? No point in doing anything unless you know why you’re doing it, right?
Fair enough. But i don’t know. I just don’t know.
Something tells me that i may never know.
this is cary and not a little unnerving. but what other honest answer is there?
So I don’t know what my values are, why i do the things i do. But there, right there, is the key!
What i Do want, what i DO want to do, is to find out what it is that i want to do.
this kind of thinking hurts my head, but lets work with it.
under this question (what do i want to do?), i am suddenly released from constrictive labelling and marketting-speak pitches about who i am or whatever.
Suddenly, in a way, i am free.
I am free to do what I want to do, without worrying about why i am doing it. I can do things that i am drawn to, that interst me ( i have a short little span of attention, or so it feels).
Payment will come later, i’m sure, (do not tell my bank manager this – it does not make for a good business plan).
So, okay Philip, you can do what you want to do. Congratu-fucking-lations.
What are you going to do?
I’m so glad you asked!
(you didn’t; that was a literary device that probably has some name, of which i am unaware, but bear with me)
That, my friend, is for the next post!
I tend to waffle when confronted with an endless piece of digital paper, so i’m forcing myself into breaking this up into a two-parter.
See you on the next post (that’s the one above, if you’re reading this on a big long page)
Cheers,
Philip
